WELL DONE, SIR.

For achievements that warranted champagne but received a firm handshake.

Tonight's Entertainment

Ronnie "Two Mics" Delgado & The Open Bar Experience — voted "A Band" three years running.

  1. Wonderful Tonight (dedicated to whoever requested it, Ronnie forgot)
  2. Don't Stop Believin' (key of "ambitious")
  3. Wonderful Tonight (again — there was a request slip, allegedly)
  4. A 14-minute Shout medley (includes mandatory crouching)
  5. The Chicken Dance (Ronnie would like it noted he objected)
  6. Don't Stop Believin' (reprise — the sound guy got engaged mid-song)

Ronnie performs both microphones simultaneously during the finale. No one has asked him to. No one can stop him.

Through the gold curtain: The Cheese Room →
A shrine to the genre's loudest practitioner. Ronnie insisted.

Champagne List

Dom Pérignon '04we have a photo of the bottle, which we will show you
"Dom Pérignon"André in the Dom bottle. The waiter knows. You know. Nothing is said.
Prosecco of Mysteryfound chilling in the hotel sink. Provenance unknown. Delicious.
The Saber Specialopened with a ceremonial sword. The cork is in the chandelier. The sword is gone.
Glass of House Bubblesserved in a flute, a coupe, or — after midnight — a shoe (your own)

The Adventure Log

The best man's toast enters its third act. He has now mentioned "the boys" eleven times and the bride once, indirectly.

A conga line forms, exits the ballroom, and returns four minutes later with two strangers and a tray of mozzarella sticks no one ordered. They are family now.

Gerald (groom's uncle, 71) wins the limbo. He did not stretch. He shows no remorse. Doctors are baffled.

Someone proposes a "quick adventure." It is neither. The hotel pool was technically closed, which the committee has ruled "a gray area."

Final headcount: all present, one barefoot, two wearing each other's jackets, everyone claiming they "called it an early night."

Raise a Glass

To the man of the hour — may your glass stay full and your speeches stay short.

Consult the Gentleman's Ledger →
Your points, your titles, your consecutive nights of questionable judgment.